Dear God—Am I Good Enough?

 

Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight (1st Peter 3:3-4 NIV).

I sure most of us have heard the saying, “they’re pretty on the outside, but they’re ugly on the inside.” I have struggled with “not feeling good enough,” I did not feel pretty on the outside and definitely was not thinking about my insides. Let me explain…since the age of thirteen my medical journey started. I was getting cysts on my breast, underarms, legs, and buttocks. My hair started falling out and just would not grow. Then the weight gain started, and I did not know why. I did not eat a lot and I was active, a cheerleader at that.

It took a while for the doctors to put a name on my medical condition and believe me, I went through several doctor’s. I later discovered, I had  PCOS and Hidradenitis Suppurativa. I also found out both diseases are incurable. There's nothing I can do about it. Nothing.

I know, 3rd John1:2 (NKJV) says, Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers. Yet, I often think, am I good enough? Why can’t I be healthy? Because of the surgeries I‘ve had and the weight gain I’ve been struggling with, I’ve developed lots of insecurities regarding my body. I find myself wondering if I’ll ever get married and if a man would accept me the way I am.

As a young person who has hopes of being married someday, being accepted the way you are is important and brings paralyzing doubts to my mind. Then the Lord put these words in my spirit: “Your mind is healthy. It’s not your shape, hair, or other things that make you beautiful. It’s your love for me and the way you show my love toward others.” I’m not saying I don’t still struggle, but God’s affirming words in the Bible and in my spirit make all the difference in letting me know, I am good enough.

Father God, thank you for being there in my lowest and darkest hours. Thank you for being sunshine in my life. Help me NOT to believe it’s my body, hair, glamour, and material things that make me beautiful. Let my beauty within flow from within to be a blessing to others. In Jesus name, Amen!

Your turn: I want to know about you.

What are you insecure about?

Can you let go and let God have his way in your life? Why or why not?

 


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